When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
