If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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