her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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