just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize