Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
