a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
