Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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