matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
there was a trapeze. enough said
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
