Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
