There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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