So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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