you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
