people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
