So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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