I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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