Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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