I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
