Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
