fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
