The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
