the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Randomize