So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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