I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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