He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
