plz talk dirty to me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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