remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
