So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
