I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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