she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
