Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
