Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
