I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I look better un-naked...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
