Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Your dad touched me again.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
