He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I believe in your delicious
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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