did you get engaged???
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
