It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
