She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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