Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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