If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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