It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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