HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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