It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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