I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize