Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
