Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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