im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
