God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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