so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
