Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
