They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
