areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
