i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
