I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
