She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
