He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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