So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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