My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
