I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
