ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize