You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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