Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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